“And what are we having to drink, today?” Ignoring my dining companion, the server addressed me and only me. My hackles rose. Was I being overly sensitive? I was furious.
“We are not deciding. I would like water. My friend will tell you what she wants.”
Few people are sharper than Shirley, my friend of many years. Shirley could have run rings around this vacant-eyed twit, yet the server continued to treat her like someone lacking the smarts to order a drink.
After Shirley and I had studied the menu, the same server asked me and only me what we’d like for lunch. Having noted our choices, she again turned to me to ask: “Will that be everything?” It was as though Shirley weren’t even there.
I’ve seen this dynamic before. It’s prevalent when a nurse addresses the person pushing the wheelchair, rather than its occupant. When a man and woman stand side-by-side, the person “in charge” often speaks only to the man. When one person is louder than the other, the squeaky wheel usually gets the grease.
Shirley will be 84, next month. She’s in perfect health and has literally never had a cold. With the only clues to her age being white hair and a bum hip, she’s committed one major crime: She’s old. Old = infirm = decrepit = invisible.
Quietly seething that the 20-something server had ignored Shirley, I didn’t want to “make a scene.” I considered rising for a quiet word with the manager, but didn’t. I anticipated hearing the usual platitudes while the manager quietly thought: “The server’s done nothing wrong; this old crock’s angling for a free lunch.”
I also anticipated that if the manager were 35 or younger (which today’s eager-beavers on management teams so often are), s/he Simply. Wouldn’t. Get. It.
Everyone deserves dignity and respect - all ages, all ethnicities, all gender preferences and identities, all levels of intellect and social standing.
I’m going to drop this post on the restaurant manager’s desk. This blog is read around the world. If you feel the same, I suggest you do the same, in whatever place you call home.
© Nicole Parton, 2019
