What’s on my mind? Himself and I live on an island. Recent pre-COVID summers saw the arrival of 10 times more camera-totin’ tourists than we have residents. By the end of August, when most visitors vanish, we still hear the familiar honk, honk, honk! - not of tourist traffic, but of Canada geese, honking like party horns. Canada geese have claimed this island as their own - with yucky consequences. Swooping in like dive-bombers, they favor our parks and waterways, ready to drop ... E-w-w-w!
One neighbor got so frustrated he shot a goose, which was awful. Literally “winged,” she wintered alone - unable to fly, dodging traps. Which was how I came to write Dances with Geese.
Neighbors got song sheets, with some forming a well-rehearsed chorus line. As most of us sang, the dancers stepped and high-kicked. At the song’s last line, they turned, bent over, and wiggled their bums. Everyone screamed with laughter, releasing a lot of the anger some harbored toward the geese. So now, allow me to present ...
Dances with Geese
In our part of town, we have a new dance
You don’t have to jive, you don’t have to prance
You do need to watch where your feet are at
Or risk a fall right on your prat!
We Do the Goose Step! The Canada Goose Step!
The goose is a bird that swoops and glides
In goes the food, and out it slides
The goose enjoys its diet of grass
In one end, and out its ass.
We Do the Goose Step! The Canada Goose Step!
We do the dance without a word
Step left! Step right! Avoid that turd!
Eyes down! Guard up! Watch the path!
Make one slip and you’ll take a bath.
We Do the Goose Step! The Canada Goose Step!
The goose enjoys each snack and meal
And celebrates with joyous zeal
Up in the air, loop-de-loop
Down on the ground, poop-de-poop.
We Do the Goose Step! The Canada Goose Step!
Those of us who’ve learned to cope
Do the dance with every hope
That big steps taken will prevent
A nasty dip in excrement.
We Do the Goose Step! The Canada Goose Step!
The geese, they poop most everywhere
So all of us, we must take care
On lawns and walkways, driveways, too
Wherever they leave the old doo-doo.
We Do the Goose Step! The Canada Goose Step!
There’s no point in simply whining
Consider now this silver lining.
Smile! Be glad! Act like a fool!
The geese don’t use your swimming pool!
We Do the Goose Step! The Canada Goose Step!
© Nicole Parton, 2021
