What's on my mind? A word to the wise for those of you who are ... um ... aging. Anyone 39 years or younger may skip over these words.
I recently posted a very nice online photo of myself - the best taken in 10 years. That’s because it’s 10 years old. Some 4,000 days have since passed (video of calendar pages rapidly flipping in the wind).
I now have a Mandatory Online Photo Protocol for all grandmotherly types over 70 who no longer draw male whistles and winks:
(1) Don’t post any photo that shows you falling into a vat of porridge;
(2) Don’t post any photo that shows you standing in a police lineup;
(3) Don’t post any photo that shows you naked unless your (medical term to follow) boobs (a) look really, really, really good; (b) aren’t directly connected to your chin or your stomach and (c) don’t bruise your kneecaps;
(4) Don’t post any photo that shows you and a shar-pei separated at birth;
(5) Don’t post any photo that features your face, neck, upper arms, stomach, thighs, or butt;
(6) Don’t post any photo that magnifies your nose and chin hairs while highlighting your ever-shorter eyelashes;
(7) Don’t post any photo that looks like your passport;
(8) Don’t post any photo that magnifies your derrière;
(9) Don’t post any photo in which you look like Zsa Zsa Gabor in her final days;
(10) Don’t post any photo.
© Nicole Parton, 2019
