What’s on my mind? I’ve been eyeing one of those Costco sticky toffee puddings - the kind available only at Christmas. It somehow made it to the sanctuary of the deep freeze, probably assuming no one would ever find it. Wrong-o! I did. It was cowering behind a package of two-year-old frozen blueberries.
Day 1: Chip pudding from ice. Stare at pudding until I freeze and it thaws. Replace pudding behind blueberries. Envision pudding in icky sticky licky tortuous overnight dreams.
Day 2: Reposition pudding to upper basket of freezer. Fondle packaging as one might a long-lost lover, musing: “Why didn’t I find you sooner, mein Schatz?” Conceal pudding under bag of frozen peas. Calmly close freezer lid.
Day 3: Lick packaging of frozen pudding for 30 minutes. Tongue sticks to picture of pudding on package front. Lose portion of tongue. Thay five Hail Maryth ath penanthe. Calmly clothe freether lid.
Day 4: Himself questions bloody tongue bandage. Employ non-sequitur to minimize finding: “That thupid toffee pudding wath taking up thpathe in the freether and ...”
Himself interrupts: “Are you kidding? We bought that pudding three Christmases ago! Throw it out!”
“Yeth,” I lie.
Day 5: Pudding gone. Thith ith true. Thkip over dithpothal method. I think I’m going to be thick ...
© Nicole Parton, 2020
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