On Effing Morons

Important Note: My computer-savvy son agrees that I will likely never receive Twitter’s promised appeal. He advised me to change my password and try to receive Twitter’s confirmation code on a different cell phone. I did that; Twitter automatically deleted my “offensive” Trump tweet, and I’ve returned to Twitter. 

He and others agree the tweet did not constitute “hateful conduct.” His logical supposition is that because I retweeted my comments three times, the tweet triggered an algorithm that locked my Twitter account. All’s well that ends well, I suppose, even if (in my view) Twitter’s action infringes on freedom of speech - Nicole Parton 

What’s on my mind? On August 11, my Twitter account was locked for “hateful conduct.” 

Although I didn’t mention US President Donald Trump by name, Twitter assumed my comment was about him. When a respected journalist tweeted (factually) that Trump recently called for the football season to proceed despite the coronavirus’ spread among team players, I tweeted this response: 

This “very stable genius” is a fool; imbecile; moron; dolt; halfwit; cretin; nincompoop; dolt; dullard; ignoramus; blockhead; idiot; simpleton; dunce; and dope ... The sort of guy who puts the “pig” in pigskin: Just plain stoo-pid. 

(I twice referred to the unnamed person as “blockhead” and “simpleton,” but I’ve since deleted those redundancies.) Strong language, I admit, but “hateful conduct”? I don’t think so. I’ve launched an appeal.

Twitter’s definition of “hateful conduct” is that tweets “may not promote violence against, threaten, or harass other people on the basis of race, ethnicity, national origin, sexual orientation, gender, gender identity, religious affiliation, age, disability, or serious disease.”

That assessment is fair and reasonable. I agree with every word; don’t condone hate speech; would never cross that line; and don’t think in such terms. I applaud Twitter’s definition of hateful conduct. 

However, if Twitter upholds my lockout according to the above criteria, that will be an admission that an unnamed person has a “disability or serious disease” (the only criteria to come even close) and how can anyone say that of an unnamed person? 

Numerous psychiatrists and psychologists have, however, written that of Donald Trump - but I’m neither a psychiatrist nor a psychologist.

For calling an unnamed person, “the sort of guy who puts the pig in pigskin,” I apologize. I was wrong to say that of an unnamed person.

I was wrong to have called him?/her? stoo-pid, as well as “a fool, imbecile, moron, dolt, halfwit, cretin, nincompoop, dullard, ignoramus, blockhead, idiot, dunce, dope, and simpleton, because how would I know? What I wrote didn’t name anyone.

Mea culpa. Maxima mea culpa. I was wrong. So very, very wrong. At least I didn’t call that unnamed person a “dunderhead” or a “dummy” - terms I reserve for effing morons, which I definitely, definitely didn’t say, but former Secretary of State Rex Tillerson did, with direct reference to Donald Trump. Perhaps Tillerson was also locked out of Twitter. 

Dunno, but Trump (or some minion) definitely fired him, as in: “You’re fired!” I used to lo-o-ove watching The Celebrity Apprentice, Trump’s yuk-a-minit reality show. It was fun watching Trump stick a shiv between people’s ribs as he yelled: “You’re fired!” 

Trump would get all riled up, but when he said: “You’re fired!” you could see he felt kinda good, like they weren’t even people and didn’t even have feelings. 

Everybody watched that show! Some people say Trump was himself fired from The Celebrity Apprentice, but he says his ratings were through the roof, so ya gotta believe the guy. As everyone knows, Donald Trump’s word is his bond. 

Any-hoo, I was wrong not to have included the words “dunderhead” and “dummy,” so I could add them to a more fulsome apology. But you can’t accuse me of saying “effing.” At no time did I say: “Donald Trump is an effing moron” - and nor did I say it of an unnamed person. 

Tillerson will forever carry the can for that one. I don’t need to apologize that he said: “Donald Trump is an effing moron.” I’m embarrassed to even print the words  that: “Donald Trump is an effing moron.” For shame, Mr. Tillerson! For shame!

I may be off Twitter, but Trump is not. A couple of years ago, he tweeted: “My two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart.” Trump’s self-assessment is one of “a very stable genius.” 

Which most definitely puts the lie to Tillerson’s words that “Donald Trump is an effing moron.” Besides, I never trash-talk. Calling Trump “an effing moron” is beneath me - and the last thing I’d ever want would be having Donald Trump beneath me.

© Nicole Parton, 2020