March 4, 2021

Dances with Geese

What’s on my mind? Himself and I live on an island. Recent pre-COVID summers saw the arrival of 10 times more camera-totin’ tourists than we have residents. By the end of August, when most visitors vanish, we still hear the familiar honk, honk, honk! - not of tourist traffic, but of Canada geese, honking like party horns. Canada geese have claimed this island as their own - with yucky consequences. Swooping in like dive-bombers, they favor our parks and waterways, ready to drop ... E-w-w-w! 

One neighbor got so frustrated he shot a goose, which was awful. Literally “winged,” she wintered alone - unable to fly, dodging traps. Which was how I came to write Dances with Geese


Neighbors got song sheets, with some forming a well-rehearsed chorus line. As most of us sang, the dancers stepped and high-kicked. At the song’s last line, they turned, bent over, and wiggled their bums. Everyone screamed with laughter, releasing a lot of the anger some harbored toward the geese. So now, allow me to present ...


Dances with Geese


In our part of town, we have a new dance

You don’t have to jive, you don’t have to prance

You do need to watch where your feet are at

Or risk a fall right on your prat!


We Do the Goose Step! The Canada Goose Step!


The goose is a bird that swoops and glides

In goes the food, and out it slides

The goose enjoys its diet of grass

In one end, and out its ass.


We Do the Goose Step! The Canada Goose Step!


We do the dance without a word

Step left! Step right! Avoid that turd! 

Eyes down! Guard up! Watch the path! 

Make one slip and you’ll take a bath. 

 

We Do the Goose Step! The Canada Goose Step!


The goose enjoys each snack and meal

And celebrates with joyous zeal 

Up in the air, loop-de-loop

Down on the ground, poop-de-poop.


We Do the Goose Step! The Canada Goose Step!


Those of us who’ve learned to cope

Do the dance with every hope

That big steps taken will prevent

A nasty dip in excrement.


We Do the Goose Step! The Canada Goose Step!


The geese, they poop most everywhere

So all of us, we must take care

On lawns and walkways, driveways, too

Wherever they leave the old doo-doo.


We Do the Goose Step! The Canada Goose Step!


There’s no point in simply whining

Consider now this silver lining.

Smile! Be glad! Act like a fool!

The geese don’t use your swimming pool!


We Do the Goose Step! The Canada Goose Step! 


 © Nicole Parton, 2021

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