Driving the School Bus

Question: What’s the difference between US President Donald Trump and a goldfish? A goldfish is harmless and predictable. Donald Trump is not.

Sadly, Trump is a shambling wreck of a man - a shameless grifter with no moral compass; a pathological liar and paranoiac; a man enthralled by dictators; a man who is both a misogynist and a xenophobe; a man who nurses conspiracy theories like a mother takes a newborn to her breast. 

This is a man who can barely remember which fake news outlet he hates most on any given day; a man who keeps a book of real or perceived slights; a man ready to lash out at the very moment his opponent shows weakness, such as mourning her newly dead husband. This is a man who bears grudges so heavy and thick and old that the deepest excavation through the layers will find not a trace of forgiveness.   

This is a man who juggles the fate of the world in unsteady hands even as he proffers Kool Aid to those who kneel at his feet. 

This is a man who - wide-eyed and wondrous - wants to beep-beep the horn of a great, big truck and race ’round the track at Nascar. This is a man who once bragged that while his guests get two scoops of ice cream in the White House dining room, he and he alone gets three.

This is a man who appears to have little or no understanding of American history or government policy. This is a man who says one thing one day and another thing, the next. This is a man who stole from his own charitable foundation and ripped off students at the so-called “university” bearing his name.

This is a man who screwed his contractors and declared bankruptcy six times because he knew he could profit from it. This is a man who drums up business for his hotels and resorts while in office. This is a man who sits on a gold toilet, staring into space with blank eyes. 

This is a man so vile that he doesn’t understand the meaning of the word “nepotism” and why it is both dangerous and unwise. This is a man who appears not to understand that the longer he remains in office, the more he will hurt himself, his odious family, his associates, his country, and the world.

This is a man in severe cognitive decline. Would you let him drive the bus that takes your kids to school? I would not. Yet he holds the most powerful position in the most powerful country in the world. 

It can’t be fun, being Donald Trump, raging and tweeting long into the dark and sleepless hours. 

Like the briefly exciting beep-beep of the big truck, the thrill of occupying the Oval has surely passed. Trump knows a sitting President can’t be criminally charged. Perhaps that’s why he muses about occupying the Oval for a third term. 

“COVID-19? Pence and Fauci and Brix are on it. The Easter Egg Roll’s a couple of weeks away … Or maybe not. Eff social distancing! Why can’t everyone just go back to work? This corona thing’s costing too much. And now they want more equipment. Why? Don’t they have enough?  

“I miss golf. Maybe someone at Nascar will take me ’round the track again, in one of those really fast cars. I’d like that. I’d like that a lot.”

©  Nicole Parton, 2020