I Do Not Like You, Mr. Trump

I do not like Your Lying Ways, 

I do not like Your Hate For Gays, 

I do not like Your Grabbing Rump, 

I do not like you, Mr. Trump.

Dunno who penned that, but sure wish I had. Then I’d be the one splashing those words over the mugs and caps and T-shirts for which Never-Trumpers are happy to pay a bazillion dollars.

I don’t hate Donald Trump. I don’t hate anyone. I pray for Donald Trump.

Whoops! That was Democratic House speaker Nancy Pelosi.

Actually, I do dislike Trump - but I don’t hate him. I feel sorry for him, because he’s so deeply flawed. Everyone’s flawed, but Trump is more flawed than most.

I do not like Your Lying Ways, 

I do not like Your Hate For Gays …

What, oh what, could possibly make the man so reviled? 

Was it that he kept Queen Elizabeth waiting in the summer of 2018, and then walked ahead of her, treating her to the sight of his butt? Na-a-a-ah … Donald Trump may be a boor, but the Queen’s met boors, before. This, I know for a fact. The Queen once met me.

So why do people hate Donald Trump? Let me count the ways … Actually, you count ’em. Large numbers make me dizzy.

It’s rats, I hate. The other night, a rat ran the length of our fence to ogle my naked body while I was hot-tubbing. Sorry to say, this reminded me of Donald Trump, who (let joy be unconfined!) has never seen my body parts, covered or otherwise. 

In 20o5, Trump boasted he could “get away” with walking unannounced into the dressing room of the Miss USA beauty pageant to “inspect” beautiful women. Trump said that to radio host Howard Stern, who repeated it to the world. 

Calling his behavior “creepy” and “shocking,” some of the women in the room who verified Trump’s behavior said some of the naked and half-naked contestants were teenagers.

I do not like Your Grabbing Rump, 

I do not like you, Mr. Trump.

Rats are survivors. So is Donald Trump. He was running for election in 2016 when the Access Hollywood scandal broke. As Trump told a chortling Billy Bush in a 2005 interview: “… I’m automatically attracted to beautiful - I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.” 

The then-newly married Trump not only survived the scandal, but became the 45th President of the Excited States, after which he survived even more rat-racy scandals. (Don’t say Trump never reads. Escort Stormy Daniels claimed she spanked Trump’s naked gluteus maximus with a business magazine).

When Michael Cohen, Trump’s former personal lawyer and “fixer,” squealed on Trump to federal authorities, his former boss called Cohen a “rat.” Mobster Al Capone once said of himself: “I’m no rat.” News flash: Trump knows mob-talk!

Donald Trump knows all about rats.  He once called Baltimore “a disgusting, rat- and rodent-infested mess” as well as the “worst in the USA” and a place “no human being would want to live.” Nothing like inspiring pride in My Town, USA, for the 612,000 Americans who call Baltimore home.

What goes around, comes around. When His Trumpness graced Baltimore with his presence last Fall, residents flew rat balloons that looked - gee! - just like The Donald. Political cartoonists drew terrified rats fleeing Trump’s complicated comb-over, among other jabs.

And Trump? He seemed okay with the derision. Negative publicity, after all, is better than no publicity at all.

I don’t hate Donald Trump. It’s rats, I hate. Rats remind me of Donald Trump.

©  Nicole Parton, 2020