She Doesn’t Want It

She says she doesn’t want it. 

Doesn’t want it? Anyone would want it! It’s beautiful! 

She says she doesn’t want it. Why should I care? Her loss! 

(My loss! Mine! She doesn’t want it. What am I going to do-o-o-o-o??? She doesn’t want it. Oh, God! Oh, God! Panic attack! I can’t bre-e-e-e-athe! Oxygen! Someone give me oxygen! She doesn’t w-a-a-a-nt it!) 

Bitch.

How could she do this to her mother?  To do it to some random woman on the bus … Fine. But to her mother? Her own flesh and blood? How could she not w-a-a-a-nt it?

Of course, she wants it. Of course! Kidding me, that’s what she’s doing - kidding me, so I don’t have to give it up too soon.

(Where the hell am I supposed to put it in this tiny place?) 

She doesn’t w-a-a-a-nt it!

I don’t accept that. I won’t accept that. She loves it. She’s always loved it. She’s kidding me. I know it! Kidding me, as a kindness.

She doesn’t w-a-a-a-nt it!

Not true. Deep in her heart, she does. Don’t I know my own daughter? She does, she does want it! She’s waiting for me to die, God forbid, so she won’t hurt my feelings by taking it now. 

No-o-o-o!!! You don’t have to wa-a-a-a-i-t! Take it no-o-o-ow!

She says she doesn’t want it. 

Bitch.

I saved for that china! I collected it, one piece at a time! I loved it! I still love it! (Where the hell am I supposed to put it?)

I’ve done everything for her! Sacrificed! Gave her bread while I went hungry! Worked two jobs, so she could go to school! How does she pay me back?

She says she doesn’t want it.

Royal Albert, it is! Gold on the rims! Real gold! (There was that thing about the dishwasher, sure, but why should that matter?) It’s an heirloom! Why should she wait until I’m dead? 

She says she doesn’t want it.

She’s young! She doesn’t know her own mind! Fifty’s the new 30!

(Where the hell am I supposed to …? Under the bed? My treadmill’s already under the bed …)

She says she doesn’t want it.

Bitch.

©  Nicole Parton, 2019